Make It A Date Night!

Family & Parenting, Lifestyle & Home, Relationships, Self-Care & Improvement

Putting your marriage first. How planning a regular date night with your spouse can really keep the spark alive.

In the beginning of a relationship, there are butterflies, giggles, late nights talking about anything and everything. Then you get married. At first, you still go out together, spend time with friends, and take romantic vacations. A few years pass, perhaps you have a kid – or three. You find yourself having to plan get togethers with friends months in advance just to work around busy schedules. Before you know it, your spouse is closer to a roommate than your loving partner that you fell head over heels for.

In this post, I’ll explain why putting your marriage – and your partner – first is important. Specifically, I’ll go over how setting up a date night every week and keeping that appointment with yourself can help with that.

Why putting your marriage first is necessary.

I’ve been married over 17 years now to my wonderful husband. When we were dating, we’d go out for dinner, he’d bring me lunch, or we’d go do something together like bowling on a Saturday afternoon. After we got married, the romantic times together got further and further apart until we both were just checking in with each other on the weekends to make sure we didn’t get in each other’s way. It wasn’t that we weren’t in love anymore. We still very much loved each other. We’d just put things like work, house chores, and hobbies ahead of our relationship.

Fast forward to today. We have a 5-year-old who demands A LOT of attention. One of us is always taking care of him so time alone with each other only happens when our son is asleep. To say that time is at a premium would be an understatement. Still, even with a young child, full-time jobs, and side hustles, we still take time out every single week to do something together. It helps us stay connected and communicate with one another when there isn’t always time during the week. It allows us to work through any issues and remember why we got married in the first place. Does this mean we never argue and we agree on everything? Not even remotely close. It does remind us what is ultimately important, however.

Making sure that your marriage is healthy and strong is one of the best things you can do as a parent. When parents work together as a team, the result is a more stable environment for the kids where all their needs are met. It creates that sense of family instead of chaos. This gives you the base from which to not only form strong family bonds but also nurture your children to be the best human beings they can be.

If I’m putting my marriage first, doesn’t that mean neglecting our kids?

Absolutely not! Putting your marriage first doesn’t mean spending ALL your time and resources on your spouse like you’re on your honeymoon. It certainly doesn’t mean something like getting your spouse a new cell phone for Christmas and not getting your kids anything. Life is not an all or nothing, black or white, experience. It is a delicate balance.

Putting your marriage first means you’re much more able to work together effectively to give your kids what they need, both physically and emotionally.

Your kids will also get the invaluable lesson of seeing what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. Remember when your toddler repeated that word you thought they couldn’t hear? Yes, that one! Well, their learning isn’t limited to words. Your children will watch every move you make and model that in their own life.

What a date looks like when you’ve been married for a while.

This is the great part. It can look like whatever you want it to be! There are traditional options like going to a movie or out to dinner. Then there are the less obvious ideas. One of my favorites was when we sat down to play Super Nintendo together one Sunday afternoon. We’ve also gone out for ice cream, went to pick out pumpkins together, and taken a walk in the park while playing Pokémon Go.

The key is to find something that you both can enjoy. It doesn’t have to take long. Even 15 minutes spent together talking where you’re not worried about work, cleaning the house, or bills is a good start. When we first began doing this, I came up with ideas for the most part on my own. After a few weeks, my husband surprisingly began making some suggestions. The more we did it, the easier it became to find inspiration and ideas.

Here are some ideas if you’re having trouble coming up with some of your own:

Take a walk together in a place with memories or somewhere you’ve always wanted to go but never had the time.
Make dinner together and try a new recipe.
Work on a home project together. Remember that closet you both wanted to get organized? That room that still needs painting? Tackle it as a team and talk while you work.
Go to a concert you’re both interested in together. It can be a major production or a local band playing at the park.
Act like kids without the kids! Remember how much you enjoyed swings or the spinners as a kid? Go to the park and play together. Ignore the stares of other adults (we both know they are just jealous anyways!) and enjoy yourselves.
Volunteer together at something that is important to you both.
Try a new sport! Always wanted to try kayaking? Go rent a couple and go. Horseback riding something you’ve never tried? Give it a go!
If you’re both religious, go to church together when it’s empty. Pray, discuss what brought you to this point in life, or talk about your wishes for the future.
Visit a new place that neither of you have ever been to. It can be a park, a historical building, or another town. Explore it together!
Rent a movie and stay up late together. Why late? Because hopefully the kids are in bed and you can get some private time together!
If it’s close to Christmas time, discuss and plan out some of your Christmas traditions. Perhaps there is one that you or your spouse miss doing that you can add in. You won’t know unless you discuss it, however. This has the added benefit of helping plan future dates as well.
Is it a snow day where you’re at? Get your own sled and go sledding! Maybe make a snow angel or have a snowball fight. Play helps release stress and open up communication. Just because you’re now responsible for bills and tiny humans doesn’t mean you can’t still play.
Watch a romantic classic together! Casablanca, The African Queen, Sabrina, and The Princess Bride are some of my personal favorites.
Order in pizza, Chinese, or whatever you ate back when you were first married. Talk about how far you’ve come since then (remember those mismatched pieces of furniture and plastic cups that you used to have?).

Conclusion:

Put your marriage first and take the time to nurture it. Dates with your spouse is a perfect and easy way to start doing that. Before you know it, you’ll have that newlywed spark back and look forward to date time every week!

Do you have a favorite date that you do with your spouse? What was your first date? Feel free to leave a comment below and share how you reconnect with your spouse!